Until we meet again.

Dear Luke,

    I write to you with a war of varying emotions battling inside of me. Today you are free!  Part of this world again to live in the beauty of this earth. I mourned for you not being able to be there with you, and for you,today.  Words can not speak how much I wish I could have been in your vicinity, close to you, one last time; but please believe that my heart was, and will never be, far away from you are. My heart flys with you now; a mass of dust scattered in the wind carried through the world and breeding life into nature. My heart and my soul is with you today. And though hours or days may separate us in distance; your always right next to me. That's what I need to believe. That's what helps me get through your physical absence. 

Please, if you're seeing me now know that my tears that stream down my face nle are filled with sadness for the loss of you, and they are filled with happiness for your freedom again into this world. A yon and yang combination of hally with sad. And every tear that I shed will be happy and sad tears for what was, and what could have been. I miss you, Luke, so much. I wish I could have been there for you today. I love you more than words can describe. Rest in peace now and fly with the angels. 

Sincerely,

Sergio

I can't delete your number

Dear Luke,

        I can't delete your number. Even though every time I go to call my mom, your name appears right above hers. I call her everyday, so now it's a ritual....

        I scroll carefully, afraid that if I accidentally click on you, I will call, and someone else will answer. What would I say to that person? Perhaps, I would tell them that they've inherited a great phone number. (530) 261-1708. Maybe I would ask them how their day is...maybe I would just hang up. 

       I'll never forget your number, so even if I am someday able to delete it from my phone book, or if I lose my phone and have to get a new one, your number will still be here. On my heart, in my soul, your number will always be a part of me. Over years, through the moves, our life changes...I always knew your number. I dialed it after not speaking to you for almost three years, and you answered like we had spoken a week before. I still remember that day. You and BJ drove over to see me in West Sac, and I was so happy. I was in a new place, but when you showed up, it felt like home.

      Because of your number, we were reconnected. You didn't have a facebook, I would have never found you. Yet, that one day, I thought of you and I dialed. I don't know why I remembered your number that day, I don't know why I called, but thank god I did. That phone call led to us moving in together, and three years of new memories and friendship. 

       Part of me believes that maybe someday I will be able to dial your number again, and you will answer. I hope that phone call leads to more time with you, more memories, and more friendship. I can't delete your number. 

Love,

Clairisa

Hey Luke Luke, 
Four months you've been departed, it feels like so much longer! Gosh how I miss you! Along with many others, we are all doing what we can to get through these days without you here. Some of us have been getting to know one another via phone and computer. It has been helpful for us to learn about each other and how you played such important roles for all of us. You run deep in our souls, but you already know this don't you?  
I must say thank you for showing me the signs, you are sooo, powerful! The black cat was crazy Luke, crazy cool!! You are assisting me in making connections; confirm away big boy. Just remember to give me clarity to go along with all the signs.
Super Full Moon this month, so we get two for one. Forever will I be acutely aware of the moon,was before your passing, like everything else there's a higher level of intensity. 
Please keep the visits coming and allowing us to feel your presences! Blessings to your soul my sweet baby boy, may all the kindness and love shared come back to you ten fold!!! 
I'll keep the home lights burning just like the love deep down in my soul!!!~~~Angel kisses~~~ Kim Kim                     05/26/13

Dear Luke,

    I've met several people who loved you very much when you were alive. I wish I could have met them while you were still living. I can see why you loved them so much; but I wouldn't expect any less from you. You were an amazing person and you surrounded yourself with equally amazing people. I feel so lucky to have been able to know you for all these years and have all these fantastic memories of you and me. I'll always cherish the times we have had and I'll always mourn the times we never had. Meeting your friends has been such a blessing to me because I have seen a bit if you in all of them. And so putting them all together makes the full you. 

I miss you and I'll never stop missing you. I look for you everywhere every day. One day I'll see you around I hope. Even if it's just in my dreams. 

Dear Luke,

    I really miss you!  I've been thinking a lot about our trips over the years.  Those memories make me smile.  Remember when we saw Amma together?  I was hesitant at first (to be honest), but I had the best time that day!  I want you to know that you have made a difference in my life! You were an incredible person inside and out.  Come visit me in my dreams again soon. 

Sincerely,

S.

Dear Luke,

    Today I was driving home from work and couldn't stop thinking about you.  My mind kept wandering to how badly I wanted to send you a text message and eagerly wait for a response.  I feel like there is so much that I want to talk to you about and get your advice about.  I could always rely on you giving some really amazing suggestions... or at the very least you were an ear that would listen without judgement.  It is always in the strangest of places that my thoughts would go from what I am presently doing to "Oh! I haven't heard from Luke in a while.  I want to see what he's up to!" then pick up my phone and send you that text message saying "hi".  Sometimes you would respond, and sometimes you wouldn't; but most of the times you responded.  The last text message you sent me was saying that you wished I could give you a big "bear hug".  I wish more than anything in the world right now that I could have given you that giant bear hug.  Lately I've felt like I needed that bear hug as well. 
    You're gone!  It's unreal to me.  I miss you so much.

Love,

Sergio

On the night of January 22nd I got a text from Luke's best friend Clairisa informing me that Luke was in a hospital and his condition wasn't looking good.  Directly after speaking with Clairisa for the first time I was in a saddened state of shock and disbelief.  At that time my mind was convinced that Luke would survive and that all of this worry would be something to look back on in the future and talk about.  After hanging up the phone with Clairisa that night I felt compelled to talk to Luke, but I couldn't.  So I decided to release all of that worry and sadness I wrote a letter to Luke which I had intended to read to him when he got better.  Unfortunately Luke never got better, and I never had the opportunity to share the letter with him.  As a remedy to that I think it's fitting that I share the letter with you and maybe, in a cosmic way, send the message to Luke through cyber space.  The following letter is what I had written to Luke on the night of the 22nd. directly after speaking with Clairisa for the first time:

January 22, 2013
Dear Luke,

    What can I say? You're in the hospital right now in a coma and I am feeling helpless and devastated.  Your friend Clairisa contacted me.  She's a great person and I can totally see how great of a friend she is to you.

    There are so many "what ifs" running in my head.  What if something happens to you?  What if the worst happens?  I can't let myself think about that!  How can I remember our history; Our past, knowing that the possibility for a present or a future with you in my life won't exist.  I can't bring myself to accept that!  I once defined faith to you as "knowing that you'll wake up in the morning and the earth is still rotating around its axis.  Faith isn't knowing; it's believing."  Right now I have to have faith in you.  I have to believe that you'll wake up and this will all seem like a dream.  I have to believe that in another 5 years I'll be talking to you about today.  I have to believe because... it's you!  How could I not  believe? I can't let you go.  Not yet!  You still have so much living to do! You have to meet your first love still.  You have to be given the chance to feel the same feelings that you made me feel.  You deserve life.  Please keep fighting!  Don't leave me and the people who love you!  You still have too much living to do.  I beg you.  Please fight!  Fight harder and more aggressive than you've ever fought.  Please choose to stay here!  Don't go!  Please!

Sincerely, 
Sergio


Unfortunately Luke passed away four days later.  But I have to believe he's still here; around the people who love him dearly.  I have to believe that when I talk to him, or write to him he can hear me.  I will always miss him dearly and I can't imagine the future without him in it.  To fix that, I intend to write to him regularly in this space in hopes that maybe, in some cosmic way, he'll hear me.  I hope you can hear me Luke.