Dear Luke,

    It's almost been six months. I can't believe it!  I miss you so much Luke. 

    On Saturday I went to San Diego pride with a few friends. I had fun; but my mind kept wandering over to thoughts and memories of you. At 

one point after leaving the pride festival my friends and I went to a bar. I bbegan remembering the time when we visited San Francisco for the second time. Remember? We went to a club/bar and you accidentally bumped into a guy causing him to spill his entire drink. You apologized profusely to him and quickly bought him another drink. 

    I remember how excited you where when the DJ started playing the song "Low" and you tried getting me out to the dance floor to dance. I said no because I don't dance; but you were persistent and I did end up dancing that song. 

    I remember you asking me to go outside with you so you could smoke and I happily followed. I would have gone with you anywhere. Outside we talked about random things. I vaguely remember you complaining about someone's bad breath, and the. A homeless woman approached us. She didn't approach us to ask for money, she approached us to say that we were "a beautiful couple."  I know that at that time we weren't really a couple. As much as I wished we were or could be a couple, I knew we weren't. But what really stuck with me was that you didn't correct the woman. Instead of responding to the woman saying "We aren't a couple" you looked T her with appreciation and sincerity and said "Thank you so much."  Thank you for that Luke. I would have sacrificed everything for you. To this day I would sacrifice anything just to bring you back. 

    My friends Ryan and Giovani got married the other day and I just watched their wedding video. I can't watch weddings without thinking about how in my mind I had always thought and hoped that when I got married it would be with you. Deep down I felt this connection with you and felt that you were the missing half of me. I pictured a life with you. I had a picture of a future with you. You were, and are, my some mate. I can't even imagine moving on and finding someone new to love. I can't picture it in my head. I feel like my life stopped when you did and I don't know how to start it back up again. I don't even know if I want to start it up again. I just don't know. :-(

Sincerely,

Sergio 

The Things You Left Behind

You were always such a neat freak. That's why I loved living with you. You'd always clean up after yourself, never leave dishes in the sink, never clothes on the floor...and exemplary roomie, really. That's also why it's so weird to keeping finding the things you left behind...

1. Old socks... you were the only one with the gray Puma ankle socks. How do they keep ending up in my clean laundry?
2. A small white tee, there is no way that belonged to Trevor. Sorry.
3. The weird V8 fruit juice I finally threw out of the garage fridge. Gross.
4. Frozen chicken patties...it's about time we discuss how thoroughly unhealthy those were. 
5. Popsicles...although Trevor ate those pretty quickly. 
6. Vodka, shoot that was gone before your funeral, love.
7. Panera signs in the garage, I really have no use for those. 
8. Car wash, zip wax, Armor-all...thanks for those, my Subaru looks great. You'd be proud.
9. Your ash tray...I've left it out for my mom.
10. Your bath towels... I know which ones are yours. Dammit.
11. Boxes of ziplock bags...you went to Costco one too many times. 

There are probably many more things you left behind, and I'm sure I will keep running into them as I stumble through life with out you. But, most importantly, you left your spirit behind for me. I feel it all the time, as I pick up your old socks, defrost your chicken patties, and throw out your Panera signs. We miss you Luke. I wish you could be here to clean up your stuff. 

Until we meet again.

Dear Luke,

    I write to you with a war of varying emotions battling inside of me. Today you are free!  Part of this world again to live in the beauty of this earth. I mourned for you not being able to be there with you, and for you,today.  Words can not speak how much I wish I could have been in your vicinity, close to you, one last time; but please believe that my heart was, and will never be, far away from you are. My heart flys with you now; a mass of dust scattered in the wind carried through the world and breeding life into nature. My heart and my soul is with you today. And though hours or days may separate us in distance; your always right next to me. That's what I need to believe. That's what helps me get through your physical absence. 

Please, if you're seeing me now know that my tears that stream down my face nle are filled with sadness for the loss of you, and they are filled with happiness for your freedom again into this world. A yon and yang combination of hally with sad. And every tear that I shed will be happy and sad tears for what was, and what could have been. I miss you, Luke, so much. I wish I could have been there for you today. I love you more than words can describe. Rest in peace now and fly with the angels. 

Sincerely,

Sergio

I can't delete your number

Dear Luke,

        I can't delete your number. Even though every time I go to call my mom, your name appears right above hers. I call her everyday, so now it's a ritual....

        I scroll carefully, afraid that if I accidentally click on you, I will call, and someone else will answer. What would I say to that person? Perhaps, I would tell them that they've inherited a great phone number. (530) 261-1708. Maybe I would ask them how their day is...maybe I would just hang up. 

       I'll never forget your number, so even if I am someday able to delete it from my phone book, or if I lose my phone and have to get a new one, your number will still be here. On my heart, in my soul, your number will always be a part of me. Over years, through the moves, our life changes...I always knew your number. I dialed it after not speaking to you for almost three years, and you answered like we had spoken a week before. I still remember that day. You and BJ drove over to see me in West Sac, and I was so happy. I was in a new place, but when you showed up, it felt like home.

      Because of your number, we were reconnected. You didn't have a facebook, I would have never found you. Yet, that one day, I thought of you and I dialed. I don't know why I remembered your number that day, I don't know why I called, but thank god I did. That phone call led to us moving in together, and three years of new memories and friendship. 

       Part of me believes that maybe someday I will be able to dial your number again, and you will answer. I hope that phone call leads to more time with you, more memories, and more friendship. I can't delete your number. 

Love,

Clairisa

Hey Luke Luke, 
Four months you've been departed, it feels like so much longer! Gosh how I miss you! Along with many others, we are all doing what we can to get through these days without you here. Some of us have been getting to know one another via phone and computer. It has been helpful for us to learn about each other and how you played such important roles for all of us. You run deep in our souls, but you already know this don't you?  
I must say thank you for showing me the signs, you are sooo, powerful! The black cat was crazy Luke, crazy cool!! You are assisting me in making connections; confirm away big boy. Just remember to give me clarity to go along with all the signs.
Super Full Moon this month, so we get two for one. Forever will I be acutely aware of the moon,was before your passing, like everything else there's a higher level of intensity. 
Please keep the visits coming and allowing us to feel your presences! Blessings to your soul my sweet baby boy, may all the kindness and love shared come back to you ten fold!!! 
I'll keep the home lights burning just like the love deep down in my soul!!!~~~Angel kisses~~~ Kim Kim                     05/26/13

Dear Luke,

    I've met several people who loved you very much when you were alive. I wish I could have met them while you were still living. I can see why you loved them so much; but I wouldn't expect any less from you. You were an amazing person and you surrounded yourself with equally amazing people. I feel so lucky to have been able to know you for all these years and have all these fantastic memories of you and me. I'll always cherish the times we have had and I'll always mourn the times we never had. Meeting your friends has been such a blessing to me because I have seen a bit if you in all of them. And so putting them all together makes the full you. 

I miss you and I'll never stop missing you. I look for you everywhere every day. One day I'll see you around I hope. Even if it's just in my dreams. 

Dear Luke,

    I really miss you!  I've been thinking a lot about our trips over the years.  Those memories make me smile.  Remember when we saw Amma together?  I was hesitant at first (to be honest), but I had the best time that day!  I want you to know that you have made a difference in my life! You were an incredible person inside and out.  Come visit me in my dreams again soon. 

Sincerely,

S.