Are you there? I hope with everything I have within me that you are. I feel silly, but I can't help it. I've never been religious and I still can't claim to be religious. I've never read the bible and I don't go to church. Even so, I still feel this absolutely strong need to believe that you exist somewhere still. I need to believe that it's not just "lights out" for you! I need to believe that when the end came for you on January 26, 2013 you were calm and that you entered into a place where you feel happiness. I need to believe that I'll see you again someday! That I'll get to touch your hand again. I'll get to hear your voice again. I'll one day look in your direction and see those green eyes of yours staring back at me and flashing that friendly smile you showed so well to me when you were alive. I miss all of those things about you so much Luke.
Perhaps holding onto those memories, desires, fantasies (however you may call them), may not be the wisest or the healthiest comforts for me; but it's the only thing I know how to do right now. It's the only way I can still feel like I'm still with you and that you're still with me. It makes me feel like we're still connected somehow.
Tonight I went to the movies and watched Heaven is for Real. I liked the movie a lot and it gave me some comfort in thinking about you. The movie gave me hope that you may actually be in this fantastic place where fear, pain, anger, sadness, stress, and all other soul heavy feelings don't exist. It gave me hope that maybe, just maybe, one day I'll actually get to stare into your face again, give you a giant bear hug, and hear you tell me "It's going to be alright."
I drove home from the movie theater tonight listening to your voice from old voice-mail messages you had left for me years ago. How I miss your voice!
Are you there Luke? I hope so.
Love,
Sergio
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